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 Boycott French Air -- Lacerda || Post in the forum
Lacerda, News Correspondent
Those smug foreign bastards! Not only are they refusing to participate in Bush’s insane and unjustified war*, but I've discovered something else about them--get this--these French jerks are BREATHING AIR. Not just any air, but the same air we breathe. They're drawing it in, getting precious life from it, and then exhaling it out again like it was little more than cheap garbage. HOW DARE THEY? How. Dare. They. ?.
My righteous indignation, righteous and indignant, leads us to my brilliant proposition.
My proposition? You want to know what my proposition is? For it is a very clever proposition indeed. Ah, so very clever and canny and bright. My proposition, that is.
Uh, as the title of the article says, we should boycott air from France.
That's right--don't breathe it! I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "But Lacerda, how I am to know that the air I'm breathing is from France?"
Good question. VERY good question. So good, it's almost like it was scripted.
Huh. That's a weird coincidence.
Anyway, I’m glad you asked that question, or thought it or maybe just know what the word question means (at the very least). Either way, I’m glad. So very glad.
Determine if your Air was Inhaled/Exhaled by the French (by answering 5 easy questions):
1) Does the air you’re inhaling smell of a man named Pierre?
2) Are you in or around France?
3) Do you immediately crave cheese-flavored wine upon breathing said air?
4) Comprenez-vous ce que signifie cette phrase?
5) Beret?
If your answer to two or more of these “questions” is “YES” (and especially if your answer is “OUI”) then you may in fact be inhaling French air. You are now a traitor. Please deport yourself back to Fransylvania. And no, no one cares if you never lived there in the first place.
You thought that this article was going to be helpful? You’re severely mistaken, mon ami. Oh hell. Did I just say that? I should really edit it, but now it’s too late because you just read it and called your friend and were all: “Holy Shit! Lacerda done gone traitorous!”
Well, guess I’ll be seein’ you guys on the sunny beaches of Paris!
(I’ll be the one wearing the Speedo that says “Hot-Ass-Hell” on the back. It’s a play on words, you see. Those are really popular overseas.)
*This reflects my opinion, and not necessarily the opinion of anyone else here at the Geekery. Of course, I read books, so you have to admit that my opinion is probably much better than theirs.
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