We've gone on a diet!
Actually, we just changed the way the site looks and smells.
You just so happen to be looking at an old page.
A really, really, really old page.
Older than Jesus himself, in fact.
Click here to view the new site
The Geekery Article Archives
All content within these archives belongs to Gotthegeek.com and the content's author. If you would like to use something from these archives, ask the author, or contact the Webmaster for permission.
Even older articles and news can be found here and an older version of The Geekery can be found here.
|
Friday, February 20, 2004
|
|
 You Owe Me One... -- Lacerda || Post in the forum
Lacerda, News Correspondent
Like any good web-nerd, I'm a terrible procrastinator; if I wasn't, you'd be inclined--nay, forced--to read my frightening gibberish more than once or twice a month. Because I'm saving you from that disturbing fate, I feel you owe me one.
How, you might ask, can you repay this favour to me? Well, I've compiled a list:
1) You can be nice to me and comment on how pretty I am.
Flattery will get you everywhere--and by everywhere, I mean in my pants. Sure, I won't necessarily be wearing them at the time, but you'll be in them! Hopefully you're a 32-34 waist, 'cause otherwise they won't fit you. Don't worry about the smell; that's how the pants smelled whe I bought them. OK, maybe 'bought them' is a tad misleading: I guess 'found' would be more accurate. OK, so maybe 'found' is sort of misleading too: try 'stole'.
2) Drive me places.
While it's very possible to combine this one with the one listed above, I'd like to keep them separate because I get really confused when multitasking. For example, this one time I was looking after my neighbour's kid (I'd say baby-sitting, but that makes me sound like a sissy) and baking cookies at the same time. Well, one thing led to another--and you guessed it--BAM! Burnt cookies. And what good are those?
Oh right. Driving. See, I can't drive because my feet have a serious defect: they can't apply pressure. While I can usually get around places by jumping on people and 'making' them give me piggy-back rides, this sort of travel isn't the most expedient sort of thing. Which is why I rely on the goodwill of people with access to cars to get me where I'm going. Hell, it doesn't even have to be your car. I'm easy to please.
3) Bring me ancient Sumerian artifacts.
While this one might be a bit easier than 1) or 2)--that's slang for 'pee' and 'poop'--it also happens to be far more rewarding for everyone. How? HOW? I'll tell you how. I get to play with the dark powers of a vanished people; I'd have such unearthly powers to sweep my dark designs across the globe that NONE COULD STAND IN MY WAY AND I WOULD HAVE AN AWESOME HAT!
4) Don't say anything about my abuse of colons and semi-colons.
I know I use both of these bits of punctuation far too much in my writing; while I've tried to wean myself of them, I find them far too cool to give up. Does my love of colons and semi-colons make me a giant wiener? I think so, yes.
5) Continue to come to this site and be NON-stupid.
I know this last one might be the hardest of all...but I want you to try. I know it's going to be an adjustment: you'll have to give up all the things you enjoy...things like writing without thinking about what you want to say...posting useless crap that you picked off somewhere else on the web and assuming people either haven't seen it before or will actually find it funny...posting the same damn crap again and again and again and again...
Actually, don't come here.
(Post in the forum | Join the Forums )
|
