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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Dr Judge -- TheJudge || Post in the forum



Welcome folks! Mah name is Dr Judge and I have got a great show fer yous all today! I’m gunna have two guests on the show and they will be sharin’ with us their personal experiences as virtual friends. That’s right folks! These gaaz have never met face ta face, yet them folks have been sharin’ secrets on the INT URRR NET fer years. Behind the back of their wives…

Let me first give a warm welcome to Reimero. Come on over here pardner! Have a seat!

*Audience claps*



DR J: Welcome Reimero. First, Let’s tell our viewers a little about this friendship between the two of yous’ all. Now, fer the record, we’ve already established this isn’t a gay relationship. It has nothin’ to do with being gay. Ah just wanna throw that out to the audience right off the bat. I wanna make sure there’s no misinterpretation about what this show is all about today. So tell us about the two of you Reimero. Where didja all meet? How long have you know each other and so on.

Reimero: Well… We’ve known each other for about 3 or 4 years. It’s not like were best friends or anything, but we’re good friends in the sense that we are able to share a lot with each other. We’ve met on a discussion board relating to Role playing games. Hack Master to be more precise. And we also share similar interests and views in terms of politics and in terms of being tech savy.

DR J: Alright… So yous all been playin them devil games and then yous all met and things happened from that point. Alright, well that gives us a pretty darn good idea of how your friendship got all started out. Now Reimero, ah have a surprise for you… I’m gunna introduce yous’ all ta each other! Demosthenes, come on out here!

*Reimero’s jaw drops and the audience claps like a bunch of maniacs*



DR J: Have a seat right next ta Reimero there. You boys can shake hands! Come on now. Don’t be shy. Mah momma taught me somethin’ about shyness. She said “I’m gunna be in yer face 24/7 until you get yer shit straight”. Man, she scared the pants off me that day! OK now boys, tell me how e-friendship is different than real life friendship. Why don’t you start Demosthenes.

Demo: Sure. It's lower maintenance, for one. It's pretty casual... you know, because you can shoot the shit with someone one day, and not on another, and it's no big deal. With friends in the 3D universe, if you don't call them or see them once in a while, you start to lose them as real life interferes with things. You don't get that kind of pressure with e-friendships.

Reimero: That's a tough one. I think online we have an alternate persona that's not entirely who we are in real life. That's not to say we misrepresent ourselves, but it's a lot easier to put our best sides forward. That said, as online friendships go on, the "real you" definitely tends to emerge. Still, there's a certain lack of spontanaity, and it makes going out for a beer a little bit harder.

Dr J: Waitaminute… Are you guys serious??? You’re just pullin’ mah leg here right? Or is that pullin’ mah arm… Ah ferget.

Demosthene, YOU NEED TO GET OUT there and commit to real people! Sure, it’s not always easy. There’s conflict, but you just can’t shut people off and hide behin’ a computer screen thingy and pretend that life is great! And you Remeiro, YOU NEED TO STOP PRETENDIN’ to be someone you’re not and live life as yer true self. Yous gotta face your demons! There’s an ol’ saying where ah come from an it goes like this : “Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right”. You mah friends, are not equipped to make such decisions. But we’re gunna change that Right here on Dr Judge!

Alright… Let’s figure out what else is screwed up in yer lives. I want you to tell me negatives about each other. There’s ups and downs in real life friendships. IT”S NORMAL!!! Ah assume the same would apply to e-friendship. Describe some downs yous all had to deal with. Tell me what you don’t like about each other. It’s time to get real! Don’t worry, I got tissues is you need’em.

Reimero: Demosthene is a smart guy and he doesn’t back down readily when he’s wrong. Mostly, it’s because he feels he’s right all the time. But I’m like that too. And sometimes, the easiest way out of an argument is to reach for the power bar. But it’s a good thing because it can lead to rather stark disagreements. Seriously, though, he's intelligent, humorous, well-read and has just the right diabolical touch behind the GM shield.

Dr J: GM? He drives an import! I’m not his friend and even I know that! Alright, what about you Demosthenes?

Demosthenes: We've had a heated discussion or two on some touchy subjects for him; I actually enjoy that though. And he does to. He's quick-witted and teh funay. He also tends to understand what I'm getting at without me having to over-explain things on some subjects. He's easy to communicate with. Reimero could have an extremely annoying habit that makes him impossible to be around in person, but since I only know him online, I wouldn't ever even be aware of it. Personality-wise, at least online, there isn't anything I don't like about him. He's a pretty c00l d00d.

Dr J: First of, YOUS BOTH NEED TA LEARN HOW TA LISTEN! I’m asking about conflict. This is what this show is about. I can’t work with yous if yous all say yous like each other! There’s gotta be issues somewhere. Work with me here! A friendship with no issue is like a burrito with no sauce. It’s crap!

Alright… tell me more about the growth of your relationship. How does a relationship grow on the INT URRR NET? I mean, you’re over there typing “hey!” and the other one’s like typin’ “Hey” back ta yous. Ah just don’t get it. Don’t yer fingers hurt?

Reimero: Erm.. No. My fingers don’t hurt. You see Dr. Judge, in order to start an e-friendship, you need to meet with someone compatible. For example, in an AOL chat room or something, you could have two individuals who start trolling with A/S/L? Then they start hitting on every ch1xx0r. And then you end up with two delusional old perverts who pretend to be hot lesbians and they bond. There’s just so many different ways to hook up. And then, just like a real relationship, you make it grow by investing time and effort into it. You can meet at regular spots and even introduce or be introduced to other friends. You can schedule meeting times and places. The possibilities are endless, but the process is essentially the same as real life friendship.

Demosthenes: Yeah! Remeiro and I don’t actually make schedules, we just frequently bump into each other and take it from there. I think we have enough in common (interests-wise) that we could probably get along well in the real world. I'd love to be a player at his HackMaster table, and I think he'd be a great addition to my own crew, given his love of the game and a similar outlook on the subject. I think our overlapping tastes in music and instruments would be something to go on as well. As he was saying, there’s even opportunities to introduce people to one another. I mean, I invited him to teh Geekery (OMFGLOL) originally because I thought he'd get our particular sense of geek-related humor there, so it's not quite as "random" as that, but it's not like we make an appointment on a regular basis to be online at the same time. It just works out that way because we both have idle time in our daily work lives more often than not.

Dr J: Woah! Now that’s what I was lookin’ for! Listen boys, I’m gunna be real upfront with yous all and yer gunna hate mah guts for sayin’ this, but awarness witout action is worthless. Do you see where I’m going with this? Life is a marathon, it's not a sprint. But if yer just standing there behind a computer, avoiding your real life problems, then get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself not as someone who is unable to deal with the real world, but as the someone you will become.

Demosthenes, let’s be honest here. YOU DON’T HAVE TA HIDE behind a computer. That’s what ye’re doing. No! Don’t shake your head. That’s what ye’re doing and you need ta be told it. YOU NEED TA ACKNOWLEDGE that you have a confidence problem. And then ah can help you deal with it. Sometimes you just got to give yerself what you wish someone else would give ya. Take a look at me.



Here’s a picture of me hanging out with real people. And not just any people. Celebrities with fake boobs! It doesn’t get any better than that! You can have that too Demosthenes! That’s what we’re gunna be workin’ on during the next few weeks. And when I’m done with you, you’ll be surrounded by giant silicone lemons. Erm.. I mean melons.

Remeiro, when you were introduced to Demosthenes earlier in the show, you did something very wrong. YOU DON’T NEED TO STUFF YOUR FACE with creamy treats. Demosthenes was happy to see you and you barely acknowledged him because you were too busy eating your little cakes! And you call yourself a friend? YOU NEED to support Demosthenes with his social anxieties. This is da real life and you can’t just reach fer yer power bar when ye’re ON MAH SHOW! As fer your issues, well obviously, you’re ashamed of who you are. I’m gunna work with you! I’m gunna change all that negativity but I’ll need you ta work with me. Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you. Did ah use that line today? Ah think ah did…
All I can tell you boys is that failure is no accident. Yer gonna learn ta get real. And yer gonna do it on mah show! See you next week folks! And don’t ferget… Buy mah books!

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