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 Office Mishaps -- Mazdaman || Post in the forum
Well, it happened again! I bumped my damn knee on the #$@!-ing desk and man, it hurts! Wondering if such calamaties are common in the workplace, I immediately placed a telephone call to Dr. Gregory Miller, Director of Workers Compensation for the Eastern US. Dr. Miller spent a significant amount of time with me, explaining how injuries occur, ways to prevent them and how to make the workplace a safer place.
However, the most interesting aspect of our conversation were the types of injuries experienced by employees at their workplaces. Among the most notable were:
Stapling through the hand: this happens when you attempt to staple a piece of paper but slip and instead insert a metal wire directly into the top (or bottom) of your hand. Leave work needing to be stapled for a fellow employee whom you can't stand.
Paper cuts: painful and bloody, these annoying accidents are perhaps the most common mishap around the office. Dr. Miller suggests using gloves or switching to the famous "paperless office" environment we all read about years ago.
Shredding machine mangling: beware if you have long hair, ties or sundry appendages that dangle in front of the ever-hungry paper shredder. Heavy-duty office machines of this variety have been known to destroy clothing, coiffures and in one strange case, the sex life of a perverted cleaning person who worked the night shift and was found "married" to an apparently attractive shredder by employees the following morning.
Finger-smashing: the ever famous, bone crunching fingers stuck in the closed drawer routine has caused a few tears to be shed. Take off your shoes and use your toes instead of fingers. This will prevent the possibility of getting the latter crushed in a drawer.
Fall off the chair: failure to firmly insert your ass into a chair, especially if it has wheels, can lead to disaster. Subsequent injuries can occur when said chair squirts out from behind a large employee who missed his/her seat and lands on the floor. As a precaution, when you see a behemoth attempting to park his/her ass, run to the nearest exit.
Collapsing files: when large stacks of files are placed on a desk, it's only a mater of time until they fall on some unsuspecting soul who just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Wearing a football helmut and a Kevlar vest can reduce the severity of injuries from this type of accident.
Paper weight accident: rambunctious employees sometimes lob heavy glass cubes, pieces of marble or other desk ornaments around the office. The presence of a manager or supervisor should prevent such antics, but in a least one case, a management trainee was injured when she attempted to intercept a miniature 3-lb marble dog thrown across the office but slipped and now bears the hoof prints of Lassie imbedded in her cranium.
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