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 Saving the Halloween spirit! -- TheJudge || Post in the forum
 Submitted byTheJudge
Today is going to be sugar rush day in schools and later on, it’s going to be dentists most profitable month. Halloween is over. But like the Christmas spirit, I wonder if the Halloween spirit is vanishing as well. You see, on my way to work here, I could recall what Halloween was like when I was a youngster and how it became more and more fun as I grew older. Then, it was all taken away because I was suddenly too old.
As I was pulling in the parking at work, I realised there was a problem with the Halloween spirit. You see, on my way here, I only saw one single smashed pumpkin. Just one! What is wrong with today’s kids? Are they getting so lazy they can’t pick up a darn pumpkin and smash it to pieces? Are they all getting so fat that their parents have to drive them from house to house? When I was young, we would walk for hours collecting candy. Never once did my parents drive me around. Don’t tell me it’s a safety thing either! If parents are so concerned about safety, they need to throw on a getup and walk the streets with their kids.
When I was young, at an age where I was too young to be mischievous, we would roam the streets in packs. You’d look around and you would see other kids doing the same thing. We’d fill up our pillowcases with goodies and wouldn’t stop trick or treating until people told us to go home because it was getting too late. We’d get home that night and empty our goods all over the floor, making piles and counting how many bags of chips and how many chocolate bars we collected. We would make trades with one another and roll around in this pile of sugar as if we were rolling around in a pool of gold coins! Then, we would start eating… I would eat until I got sick. Three days later, I had nothing left. But I still wanted candy! I was hooked on the sugar! There ones only one logical solution: secretly steal small portions of candy from my brother’s stashes.
Indeed, Halloween was special for a kid like me. It was almost as good as Christmas. When I grew a little older, Halloween was different. We’d meet up with some friends after school and rush out in broad day light to get candy. You see, we knew that we wouldn’t be collecting much once darkness came…
They say wisdom comes with age. I disagree. The older we got, the more trouble we caused. We’d stop at a corner store and buy all the eggs we could get. We would clean out the place. Then, we would buy fireworks. Once we were all equipped (a pack of 20 up to no good kids), we’d make our way to our target: the home of an old racist bastard who hated French people. We would scout the place and the bravest of our crew would make their way on the front lawn of the old guy and plant the fireworks, making sure they were pointing directly at the house. And then… a match stroke followed by a spectacle of lights, eggs and explosions! It was absolutely magnificent! Then, you saw 20 kids running like the wind in all directions. We would always spit up and meet up later at a designated point. And then, if we had any eggs left, we would make out way to the railroad bridge and drop eggs on the cars driving bellow.
One year, I was refused the candy handout. “You’re too old!” the lady said as she slammed the door in my face. But didn’t she hear me say TRICK or treat? Well… It didn’t really matter. She was getting egged anyway. That bitch! How dare she tell me I was too old? But then I looked around and didn’t see any other 6 feet tall trick or treaters. And I concluded that the old lady had a point. This was going to be my last Halloween. And in a way, it made me sad because Halloween was special. Now that I think about it, I have more Halloween memories than Christmas memories. Halloween was indeed the best day of the year for a kid like me.
Last night, I was thinking about all sorts of Halloween escapades I had been involved in. Like the time when I was chasing kids around with a very big kitchen knife. Or the time I changed my disguise like twenty times because there was a house that was handing out loonies (1 Canadian dollar). As I handed out treats I concluded that Halloween wasn’t what it used to be. I had parents coming at my door with 6 month old babies dressed up in silly attires. They thought it was cute. I thought it was time to bring the kid home and put him to sleep. The parents didn’t seem to appreciate it when I made the point of telling them about how ridiculously commercial this behaviour was. I mean, it’s not like the baby knows what the heck is going on. He’s not having fun. And he’s certainly not going to eat all that candy.
Then there was a group of 10 kids or so how showed up. One of them wasn’t even dressed up. He just had his school bag and he was standing there like an idiot. I told him I had something special for him and asked him to wait for a minute. I went into my kitchen and scribbled something on a piece of paper. He didn’t think it was funny when I slipped a few math problems in his school bag. But seriously, how lazy can you get? You’re not getting candy from me you ungrateful unworthy little brat! You’re killing the Halloween spirit!
Then I had the parent escorting the little kid. The kid was so excited! “I’m dressed as a princess!” she said! “Wow!” I replied, “And you’re the prettiest princess I’ve seen all night!” The little girl giggled and thanks me as I dropped a handful of goodies in her bag. As I was closing the door, I notice the parent hanging there holding a bag wide open as she was grinning like an idiot. What? What do you want? You’re not even dressed up. If you want chips, go to a corner store and buy some. I didn’t really say anything to her. I gave her a gum and closed the door.
Next year, I’m going to prepare myself and I will save the Halloween spirit! Halloween is about running wild in the night and experiencing intense emotions. It’s about hanging out with friends and having innocent fun. It’s not really about candy. Well… it’s ONLY about candy until you reach a certain age. But then, the candy looses its appeal. So how am I going to save Halloween you ask? Simple: I’m going to scare the kids to death. My house is going to be famous at Halloween! Kids will want to make a detour just to stop by because I will freak them out and give them the rush they so desperately need. Next year, I’m going to sit on my front porch in a chair, pretending to be a dummy. I’m going to stuff my clothes with newspaper, giving the appearance that I’m an actual dummy and when they least suspect it, I’m going to jump out and chase them to the end of the driveway! (Confirming that I’m an actual dummy). It’s going to be glorious! Especially when I chase down stupid parents.
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