Behold. One of the best inventions so far. The wheel first, of course.

Think about it, why the hell would someone need a super spaghetti spinner attached to a drill that can turn at 30,000RPMs, or a mop with an IV tube and bag attached to it in order to apply a mixture of soap and water? Maybe someone from the planet Rasho might need one of those, but no one that's actually human would need one of them.

But it's ok. It's ok because you were only 10-years-old at the time when you thought of those hell-bent inventions, and it didn't get a paten for being a "bright idea" - Thank God.

However, there's a nice group of products going around within the past, oh, 10 years that are in the "As Seen on TV" category. You know, like "NADs Hair Remover" or the "Cybersonic Toothbrush" that "cleans with real sonic waves!". We don't want any of those fake sonic waves. Those suck.

Now I've never been suckered into any of those gimmicks, and so I have a question. How do such stupid products make it to being sold in stores and online? I'll answer my own question: They're stupid products for stupid people. If you're going to need something to aid you in hearing things while at the movies or at a concert hall, you're going to want to see a doctor about that because you're going deaf.

Of course there are more of these inventions that no one in their right minds will ever use. There're people out there that have made a living off of the savings that they make from these things! Those same people are the ones that call you "YOUNG MAN!" or "YOUNG LADY" while in elementary school.

The future of dentistry has arrived! The future is now! THE FUTURE!

Cybersonic Toothbrush What a great idea! Use sound waves to knock all that plaque off of your teeth! Most likely if you believe sound waves will clean your teeth, you also believe that little gremlins exist that run around your refrigerator yelling "Pieeeyooww bitch!". I don't think you believe in gremlins, let along gremlins that can talk, so I don't see why you would like a tooth brush that cleans your teeth by making high pitched sounds that only your dog will hear. Oh yea, did I mention that your dog will hate you for buying this? Please, whatever you do, if you have a dog, don't even think about buying this. It turns out it really translates to "KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL" when a dog hears it.

Magic Wallet
Have you been wondering where your money has been going these past few weeks? Don't worry. I know. It's those damn gremlins in your brand new Magic Wallet that run around yelling "Pieeeyooww bitch! No soup for you!". Keep using some wallet that "magically" makes your money go from outside to inside and it's going to start making "honest" mistakes when placing your money in the right wallet. Yea, it'll show you who's boss. You'll be left wondering, "Hey, where'd my 100-dollar-bill go? I know I put it in this magic wallet". Yup. Like magic, it's gone!

Need I say more? Suffer no longer from hearing problems! Amplify sounds two times their actual volume!

Sonic Earz
WARNING! DO NOT USE WHILE USING THE CYBERSONIC TOOTHBRUSH TO AVOID SERIOUS HEARING DAMAGE AND BLOOD LOSS. Really, the two of these can be a lethal combination. What can I say? Maybe if you're about 70-years-old with hearing loss, or just like to walk around with "what appears to be a walkman, a beeper, or even a bomb" you've got to have this neat invention. It amplifies sounds up to TWICE AS LOUD from over 60 feet away! You could always get a wireless hearing aid from your doctor, but you'll be hip and in style with Sonic Earz.

Really folks, DO NOT USE THE CYBERSONIC TOOTHBRUSH WITH THE SONIC EARZ! It's not a joke, you can really risk damaging your ears or kidneys while using both at the same time.

Multi Media Madness You might want to watch this before going on to getting the rest of the Star Wars stuff I recently added.

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