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Don't we all remember back in the day when we wanted to be the President of the United States (Even if you're not reading this from the United States, don't you remember when you wanted to be the President of my country? I remember when I wanted to be the President of Sri Lanka when I was about 2-year-old. Those were the days...) or when you wanted to be the "cool dude" that was in charge of Joe Camel? Yea, but look at you now, chances are you're not in charge of Joe Camel, you're not the President of the United States, and you're most likely not the President of Sri Lanka.
You were so sure that you were going to be some big important person in the world, and help make a difference in everyone's lives, but something called "reality" set in. Something that you weren't aware of until you were about 28-years-old and finally moving out of your parent's basement (Sorry Lacerda, but I was watching 'Freddy Got Fingered' last night on HBO) and had to pay bills, support a family, and put up with the rest of the world. Yea, life is harder when you're actually living instead of dreaming. (Not that you're dreaming Lacerda, those articles are actually real. I've actually sent you a few emails as well, and have gotten a response to all of them.)
 | | Look at it, it's the Land of Opportunity! Run for the border! |
Most likely you are NOT any of the so far mentioned. Most likely you ARE a teacher at some elementary school in New York City that has a GPA of 1.35 or are stuck in some cubicle in some office building filling out stupid reports about things such as "How many dead rats were found in our soup last year and why they were found the way they were". Those are what I'd like to call Average People. I do however realize there are a lot of younger viewers out there (about 600 of you) who are still too younger to realize you will not be the cool dude to tell Joe Camel what to do, or be the next President of the United States. You people are the bright future to our world, just not bright as to being someone that bosses Joe Camel around by telling him how many cigarettes to smoke at one time.
I've lately been asking people "What are some jobs that people would like to have, but will never actually have (IE: singer)" and they have given me some of the basics back, you know, like pro sports or being a Secret Service Agent at the White House. Does this say "opportunity" all over it or what?! I think it does. Opportunity to bring everyone down to my own level! When I grow up, I want to be "The President"
We all know that's not going to happen. You have to come from a wealthy family (meaning a lot of money, not a lot of nothing) and be smart. If you're sitting here reading this right now, you obviously don't possess either of those. Sorry. Even if you did have both of those (Money and Smarts) you would one day get caught by the police after molesting a pumpkin in a field, making a big "tear" in public relations for you come election time. That's what you get for going to a "prep school" all those years and never getting out to "experiment", instead you finally get out, and stop in the field right next to the police station to do your "thang". Any country needs someone smarter than that to manage it. Well... almost every country. There are a few that are exempt from that rule simply because they are already worse than that.
 | | "When I grow up, I want to be just like him!" |
When I grow up I want to be a "singer"
I really don't care what you want to be when you grow up, and I really don't believe in the "If you put your mind to it, you can do it" crap. Being a singer is no exception. First of all, in order to be a female singer (Such as Brittney Spears, or Avril Lavigne) you're going to need good looks and some money. Good looks will get you on your way, and money will get you on your way to the plastic surgeon?s office for large boobs or a better nose. If you're going to be a male singer (that's opposite of a female singer), you're going to not need a lot of anything. Maybe a lot of anger and a lot of ignorance. Looks like the males reading this must have a good chance! Even if you do have enough money to "fix" yourself, or enough rage and anger to make your music "flow", you're not going to be able to not smoke. Don't lie. I know a bunch of you think Joe Camel is cool, and so you smoke a pack a day. Throat Cancer will one day catch up with you, leaving its mark on your voice so you sound like Steven Hawking. But at least you'll sound like totally smarter! LOL!
When I grow up, I want to be a "Baseball Player"
This shouldn't be too hard for most of you reading this assuming that you have a plentiful lack of money. All you need to do is somehow manage to get on a raft to Cuba and be found while on that raft, that way the recruiters will automatically look at you just because of the way you were found. After that, you're all set, you've got the greed for money, and the urge to take over the world, making it into one large "Baseball State".
When I grow up, I want to be "A Basketball Player"
Are you sure you don't mean a "playa" also known as "pimp"? Plus, you wouldn't be reading this if you were serious about being a professional basketball player. You'd be on the streets husling games of Horse so you can have enough money to buy the next pair of Iverson?s. I heard the next pair is going to come in rainbow colors! Oh shiztnit! Dem shits is gon be hot, yo!
But Mommy told me I can be anything I want to be!
Oh, is that so? And what does your mom do for a living? Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm sure her mom told her that, and her mother's mother told her that and so on and so forth. It's seems to be working well so far, so keep on working hard to become the manager of the local Pizza Hut. Trust me, with time comes experience. Just work there long enough and it will happen. Ooooh... What you gonna do now sucker? What you gonna do now? I'm sure that last one hit the hardest on most of you.
Oh the heck with it, I know you want to see if the fire is hot, so you're going to go out and try it anyway. Have fun. I'll be waiting right here since I know it's not going to work out. You'll come back to me whining like a little girl because it didn't go the way that you wanted it to. (Or the way that it should have gone according to your little mind).
On a totally unrelated not, I decided to start up a hell house now known as "Geek Girls" which is liable to stir up a few people going "Hey! What the!" from the other 600 viewers of this site. Chances are I don't care what you think, and if you don't like the idea of that forum, then please try and forget that you read about it, or even clicked that link. Heck, I'm not making you go there by methods of trickery, and the forum is clearly labeled on the forum index. I win!
 | | CONTROVERSY! HULLABALOO! CAUTION! HOT! |
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