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 | | This text is under God. With Liberty And Justice For All. |
Back in the days when the Bill of Rights was written, people could only dream of something that would one day let them easily go back to the document using a mouse and hit the "Delete" key to get rid of any mention of religion since we all know what kind of trouble that brings! This "dream", this "reverie" that no one could quite grasp back then is today commonly known as the computer. If the computer and internet existed back when the United States was formed, we would not have this entire mess of what is religious persecution, and this silly system that's based on "A.D" or After Death of Jesus Christ. As a result of that misfortune, one day we will have to change all of the currency in the United States to no longer say "In God We Trust" and adopt a new system of years for those of the citizens that do not believe in a god, or simply in another deity. (Using the word "God" may cause mass panic and cause people to explode, causing even further panic and even more people to explode because the word "God" was spoken.)
Those are all past times, however. There is nothing that we can do about it now. Now is now and the past is past, nothing can change that. Today's uses of this thing called the computer is not editing documents to rid them of evil religion that might offend some or even worse corrupt kids and make them go nuts since they cannot think for themselves, but for more innocent things such as email, "chatting" with friends and family, downloading evil mp3s and movies, and porn that will make your eyes fall out or even worse make your children want to go out and have sex with strangers in cars in mall parking lots around the country. Those are pretty obvious uses for computers in today's world, but what about those not-so-obvious uses for the computer that no one ever thinks about? Yea, well, we can't forget about them either, that would be Un-Constitutional to all of those computer geeks out there that don't believe in looking at porn that will rot your eyes out or even worse make your children want to go out and have sex with strangers in cars in mall parking lots. We would not want to offend them. Not-So-Obvious Uses of A Computer
- or, if you don't believe in reading forwards -
retupmoC A fo sesU suoivbO-oS-toN
Getting out of debt
Are you tired of getting all of those Un-Constitutional phone calls about how you owe a few Un-Constitutional dollars to this company, or a few letters in the mail stating you owe even more Un-Constitutional money to two more companies? A computer and a connection to the internet just might help you out with that problem. After you register a screen name with AOL or an email address with Hot Mail, you'll be getting emails in a matter of seconds with people willing to pay all of your bills for no charge at all. All you have to provide them with is your Un-Constitutional credit card information so they can wire you the money, and after that you're set! No hassle, no time wasted filling out stacks of paper work, no need to kick the cat down the steps because you're frustrated. It's easy as 1, 2, 3!
Find true love
There's nothing more Un-Constitutional than being lonely and not have anyone to give you any Un-Constitutional loving. So the nice makers of the internet were kind enough to provide us with tools like Match Maker that will actually match you up with someone else according to the number that you are given just by chance when the computer receives your request. If it doesn't work, try try again! Odds go with evens, and evens go with odds. Remember, opposites attract! All birthdates that are entered into this system are not based on the evil Un-Constitutional A.D system... It's Un-Constitutional to say "After Death of Jesus Christ".
Enlarge your penis
Hey, are there any men out there reading this with small Un-Constitutional penises? (or women?) Well yea, that's what I thought. Don't be shy. I know you're all about 12-years-old judging by the Un-Constitutional emails you send me. So you don't even have to tell me. If you're looking for a way to boost yourself esteem, then why not try a penis enlargement program to help you? All you have to do is make a Hot Mail email account, sit around for a few minutes, and the nice staff should send you some emails about Constitutional penis enlargement and some various other stuff that you probably would like to use. You know, like a free Constitutional panty wardrobe or larger Constitutional breasts! As you can see, there are plenty of uses for a computer in today's modern world. Maybe when the U.S. Government sets up a new government in Afghanistan they will consider typing their Constitution instead of writing it so hackers can make changes to it without debate.
"Foul!" you cry. Thanks to the Bill of Rights and the part that states "Freedom of speech", I'm allowed to do stuff like you just read. Don't like it? Here's the usual link to Geocities that you can click on to make your own site for me to read and get mad at. The Geekery will be a better place without you reading it as a result. But then again, this is the internet, and the internet is a different world than Earth... I'm getting a sandwich.
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