Still, many people realize, somewhere deep down, that's there something missing from today's children's shows. Sure, there's fun and education and pleasing songs and colourful characters, but where's the mental instability and haunting nightmare creatures? When was the last time you saw an act of consequential violence on a children's show? I can bet that you never have, and if it wasn't for innovators like me, you never would.

Sure, we're all pleased as punch when Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch can settle their differences through small claims court and don't have to resort to fisticuffs or shiv fighting, but is that how things happen in the real world? Well, a lot of the time, yes. But not all the time! And that's where the "Uncle Stanley's Fun Hour" comes in! Meet the cast of characters:

Uncle Stanley: An insane old war veteran living off the last vestiges of his savings from the 40's, Uncle Stanley rarely, if ever, leaves the confines of his mildewed apartment. He relies on Blingo, his mentally challenged neighbour, to bring him essential supplies. At the ripe old age of 91, Uncle Stanley (who, strangely, has no brothers or sisters, and thus is not an uncle in any way shape or form) suffers from senility, as well as advanced mental breakdown, which explain his near constant hallucinations. The spores in his apartment don't any way diminish the craziness either, and he spends much of his time yelling out his window about "Popsicles and fertilizer".

Yappo: A ventriloquist's dummy from Uncle Stanley's showbiz days, Yappo has recently gained sentience, and Uncle Stanley is convinced the little wooden man is trying to kill him. And he'd be right. Yappo can often be seen banging on Uncle Stanley's bathroom door, bargaining with the terrified old man to "come out for just a second, I've got something I want to cut you with" whilst swinging a rusty blade to and fro.

"UDE DA FORTH!".

Blingo: Uncle Stanley's aforementioned mentally challenged neighbour, Blingo has taken on the duties of keeping Uncle Stanley alive. This essentially means that Blingo is in charge of taking Uncle Stanley groceries every two weeks. Unfortunately, Blingo is convinced that he is a Jedi Knight in training, and spends nearly every waking hour practicing his force powers. As such, he often forgets Uncle Stanley's groceries, and when he does remember, he sometimes brings inedible items like a hammer. Oh, that wacky Blingo!

That trunk is far from beign.

Sammy Fats: Sammy Fats is a big old fat guy that lives in the attic of Uncle Stanley's apartment. Uncle Stanley can't remember how Sammy got there, but sure as hell, he's not leaving. He is now too fat to descend the rickety staircase, so spends his days polishing his beloved "tickle trunk" and waiting for the scrumptious children to fall into his meaty hands.

"Your skin will be mine, fleshling!".

Desocrates: A demonically possessed bust of Socrates, Desocrates spends his days screaming curses at Uncle Stanley. Occasionally, he'll stop his vitriolic spew to let Uncle Stanley know that hell be dead soon, and when he is, Desocrates will be taking his body and using it to "score with hot chicks".

Now I ask you - with a show like this nuturing them as they grow, how can the youth of tomorrow go wrong? I think that with this fine programming on which they can build their moral character, we'll have upstanding citizens in no time. Thank you, negligent parents! Here's to you!