I am convinced that those who are able to produce pieces of writing at regular intervals are either paid journalists who do nothing else but write and smoke two packs a day, are unemployed and refuse to get back on the horse since they claim the system let them down, or they are habitual users of coke and can write countless lines (no pun intended, of course) in between crashes before it wears off.
It’s a known fact that geeks have too much time on their hands because they do nothing but sit in front of their computers all day and night and play WoW, hack into government computer systems that magically control all of the dams in North America, and write viruses that send emails with the subject “I love you” to recipients. In fact, geeks have so much time on their hands that they tend to be overly critical when it comes to movies. Take for instance any episode of Star Wars: Every geek will tell you that sound waves cannot travel thru the vacuum of space and thus how it is impossible that sound occurs in space when a laser is fired from one of the ships. Not to mention lasers don’t make noise to begin with.
We here at The Geekery decided to use our geeky skills and plethora of free time to analyze and correct several movie concepts, scenes, and endings to be more life-like since not every day is Christmas. Especially if you’re Jewish, and even more so if you’re a Gothic Atheist who just happens to live in the basement of your parents’ house.
The Perfect Score:
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| I don't think there's anyone who deserves the answers to the SAT more than him. |
Originally, The Perfect Score had a happy ending – Although they were able to eventually find the questions to the SAT and solve the questions without the answer key since one of the idiots put it through a paper shredder, all of the kids that were involved in the heist refused to use the stolen answers for moral reasons after they realized what they had done was wrong. Mind you, this comes after one of them was arrested for breaking and entering. Of course, the movie portrays all of them going on to do bigger and better things in life because they learned from their mistakes.
First of all, let me start by stating that someone was arrested for trying to steal the answers to the SAT. The least his friends could do would be to use the answers so his efforts didn’t go in vein.
In the real world the one kid who was arrested for trespassing would have given up the other 5 who were also trying to steal the answers to the SAT. Sorry teens, that’s just how life works. Someone always rats the others out. It’s a fact of life.
Additionally, once those who administer the SAT found out that the test answers had been compromised, any and all exams that were scheduled to be given the next day would have been postponed and new questions with entirely different answers would have been drawn up.
The kids involved would have had to do countless hours of community service, and any chances of them trying to get into any college would have been crushed. The only question that they would be asking for the rest of their lives would be, “Would you like fries with that?”
Office Space:
Office Space is a classic geek movie. In fact, some consider it to be a movie of cult proportions just like the Rocky Horror Picture Show which attracts all kinds of freaks and pedophiles when it plays in theaters. The ending to Office Space is quite simplistic in nature: They get away with stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars because their building burnt to the ground.
If only life were that easy. But it’s not; Life isn’t that easy in real life. These days, nearly every business has insurance for the unlikely event that the building should burn down. Additionally, just because the building burns down doesn’t mean that the business owners give up and are free and clear of any and all debts that they may have. They still have liabilities to take care of, and the fact that the building no longer exists doesn’t mean that their liabilities no longer exist either. Basically, they’d still know that the money is missing even though there is nothing left.
If that same situation were to occur in real life, they would likely still get caught – although it may take the authorities a little longer to gather enough evidence, they’d still be doing time in a federal pound me in the ass prison.
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| Do we really think a bunch of oil drillers can save us from this? There's fire and shit. |
Armageddon:
Armageddon plays out like any other classic end of the world book or movie plays out: The Government identifies a threat to humanity that has the capability to put an end to all life on Earth, only one man can stop the threat, and that man doesn’t make it to the end of the movie since he dies to save man kind.
However, any true geek knows that Armageddon is simply a big-budget Hollywood film that wasn’t written to be scientifically accurate, but it was instead written to make the most money possible while in theaters.
Take for instance the fact that rocks and boulders were falling on the crew while they were working on the asteroid just as they would do on Earth. Though take into consideration that the asteroid clearly wasn’t large enough to produce a gravitational pull as strong as the Earth’s.
Simply put, if such a situation were to present itself now or even several years – hell even several decades from now, there would be nothing we could do to stop Armageddon from occurring. Hollywood would like us to think that a highly skilled team of oil drillers will be able to save us from doomsday, but in reality that would never happen because there isn’t enough money in the world for OPEC to let any of its personnel or equipment to be used by an outside agency. Just the mention of the word “Armageddon” to OPEC would send gas prices sky rocketing higher as they know they only have a limited amount of time to hit their goal of $100.00 USD per gallon and total world domination.
The Resident Evil Series:
Based off of the popular game, Resident Evil always ends the same way: The Umbrella Corporation always manages to mess up over and over again. You would think after the first time of being unsuccessful and losing an entire branch of your staff you would halt operations on whatever it is that you were working on. But not the Umbrella Corporation – They have a seemingly endless supply of head researchers and CEOs that will continue to do research so as long as there are people left on the planet.
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| Ow, my head. lolol. |
Though the concept is very similar to the movie “Outbreak” with Dustin Hoffman, infected individuals turn into flesh eating zombies rather than just bleeding from every orifice on their bodies. If an outbreak were to occur in real life like it did in Resident Evil, there would be almost no way to contain it like the Umbrella Corporation was able to do so. Film makers forgot that people tend to fly to different countries and drive to other states on an almost daily basis. Nuking just one city wouldn’t contain the virus. Nuking the entire planet, however, would be a probable solution.
