Easy on the Fumes

I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but where I’m from, people have less and less tolerance for perfume bathers and chain smokers. Businesses are starting to implement anti-perfume workplaces because some individuals complained about the effects strong odors have on them, allergies being the most obvious. Many health care professionals will not see patients if they reek in perfume or cigarette scents. They will literally refuse to service you if you show up to their office in that state.

I don’t have allergies, but I sure as hell don’t enjoy sitting next to a “toilet water” covered individual on the plane. It’s not like I can roll down the windows and gasp for fresh air! I remember sitting in an airport once, waiting to board my plane. This young gentleman sat nearby. I could tell he was single. He wore black pants that were slightly too short, which revealed the grotesque white socks that we use to wear in the 80’s. Add to that the stench of over perfuming and it pretty much gave it away. It was horrible sight! I’m not sure if my eyes were hurting because of the fashion faux-pas or because of the Azaro fumes, but they were hurting nonetheless! I swear I’ve never been near anyone wearing that much cologne. It’s like he showered in it! You could tell by the reactions of the people around him that my feelings of disgusts were shared.

If I ran the airline, I can tell you this: people like him would not be allowed to board a plane in that state. Is it discrimination? I don’t know and if it is, I don’t care. I’d rather inconvenience one passenger, than an entire plane. I can tell you that I would happily implement a no perfume policy on all airlines. What are these people thinking? The more you put one, the greater sex appeal you have? Come on!

I don’t condemn perfume. There is a time and a place for it, and more importantly, there is a proper way to wear it. If you happen to be one of those who goes trough a bottle in a month, here’s some advice: If YOU can smell it, you’re wearing too much. The idea of perfume is to smell nice for when a special person comes into your personal space. It’s is not a hunt scent that is used to attract a mate, nor does it replace deodorant. If you stink, don’t try to hide it with perfume, take a fucking shower. The mix of human filth and artificial scents doesn’t mix well. One squirt from that little bottle should suffice. That’s all you need!

When you shop for perfume, they’ll sometimes make you smell coffee beans between samples, so that you can distinguish the smell from one product to the next. In that spirit, I propose it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. More doesn’t mean better when it comes to perfumes. More means people like me want to punch you in the face and dunk your head in a toilet. Of course, people like me are civilized, so it’s really just a thought that crosses our mind. Instead of resorting to violence, people like me will simply write about it on the internet in hopes that at least one perfume addict will read this and realize what the world really thinks about them: You fucking stink.

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