Hey Kids! Look! We just wasted your future college money on these beads! I hope you like beads!

The 'festival' that has produced the original Girls Gone Wild through Girls Gone Wicked Wild, Lost Their Wallet, Don't Know How to Get Home Because They Drank So Much That They Threw Up On Some Guys Lap While Pleasuring Him 987^67E which is commonly referred to as 'Mardi Gras' has fallen upon us once again, and has already passed us because I take so damn long to write these things. This 'festival' marks the time of year when a bunch of people, who are usually between the ages of 18 and 25, go down to New Orleans, drink until their kidneys jump out of their bodies in a drunken rage while singing the theme song from the Banana Splits, smoke until their eyes develop cataracts, and engage in a vast orgy of drinking, smoking, and partying. What else would they engage in' What the hell were you thinking of when I said 'orgy'' You sick bastard, I bet you were thinking of the band Orgy. As if these people didn't suck enough at life, they go down to New Orleans, waste the rest of their money on a plane ticket, a few bottles of cheap booze that their frail bodies will buckle from upon consumption, a bunch of beads, and a disposable camera so they can show their children just how lucky there are to be alive because it's still illegal to kill retards like their mother and father.

Get ready for Lent, don't get caught with your pants down like Helmut Lent did.

Mardi Gras, which can also be called 'Fat Tuesday', as I know it, is the day before Lent begins. This thing called 'Lent' lasts for some 40 days, or considerably less depending on how devoted you are as well as your religion. Obviously if you worship Buddha, you will not be observing Lent anytime soon. During this time, believers of 'Lent' are supposed to give up something for that period of time, note how I said 'supposed to', most of the followers suck at life so much that they don't even give something up. That means you, Chris. Believers also may not eat meat on Fridays, but are allowed to eat fish for some odd reason. Apparently fish are made of tofu, but it's not good enough for vegetarians to eat. Believers also must send a check made out to Chris for 100 US dollars every Thursday.

This is a random picture of Laibach. They don't like Lent, and they don't like you very much.

To be honest, I haven't thought of anything to give up for Lent yet. I've thought about giving up writing for this site for 40 days, and then I realized that wouldn't do much considering that I write here about once every 40 days sometimes more, and sometimes a few days. Then I thought about showering, but I quickly realized that I don't do that either, and if I do take a shower, I don't use soap since it's unclean, so that is useless as well.

Rick Castellan Rick is your average 15-year-old kid. He also happens to be the same kid that lives in the house that's next to mine, which makes him my next-door neighbor. Rick is not unordinary, he gets straight 70s in school, which is above average in my hometown, and has had a girlfriend since the age of 12, which is two years past the average here. Normally they are thinking about having children by age 15, and marriage comes sometime around 18-years-old if they're lucky. I bumped into Rick on my way to work the other day, mind you, I have work at 9 A. M., and school starts at about 7:30 A. M. here. It isn't unusual for kids to get into school at 12 and call it a day at 2. I asked him what he was going to be giving up for lent and he didn't quite know what I was talking right away. He replied with, 'Oh' right' Lent' Uh' I'm going to give up driving and I'm going to use that time to help my parents around the house.' I thought that was a pretty good idea, help his folks around the house instead of driving around like a maniac like all teens do. I got in my car, started the engine and realized that he's only 15 and thought to myself, 'THAT SON OF A BITCH! HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO AN R RATED MOVIE YET!' I haven't seen Rick in about four days now. My best guess is that he's in his house hiding because he knows I'm waiting for him. Rick, if you're reading this, I'm going to make you give up walking for Lent because you lied to me.

Bret thought he was cool in high school, and now he thinks he's even cooler at work.

Bret Rosenberg Bret and I go way back to when we were in high school together. Bret used to be normal - he got pretty good grades all the way through junior year, he had a nice car, and a nice girlfriend. Napster came around early in senior year and I guess he began to download all sorts of music, and rap must have stuck with him. His grades began to slip, his girlfriend didn't want to be with him anymore, and he became one of the biggest wiggers that I have ever seen to this day. He doesn't work too far from where I do, and one day while in K-Mart I saw him working and decided to ask him how he was doing. He seemed to have developed some sort of drawl, which I found to be pretty funny considering that were are almost as far away from the southern states as you can get in the United States. I asked him what he had planned on giving up for Lent because I still had no idea what I was going to give up and he got pretty mad when I asked him. 'Yo, what the fuck you talking about' Lint' Man, I hate that shit yo, it builds up in my dryer all the time at my crib and gets on my clothes'. After his violent retort of slurs, I slowly backed away from him because I noticed that we just so happened to be in the hunting department and despite Rosie O'Donnell's best efforts, K-Mart still sells firearms. Later that day I realized what his problem was, Rosenberg isn't exactly a common last name that Catholic people have and he must have been playing it off so I didn't laugh at him for being Jewish like I used to back in the day.

Just imagine this Stephanie being 100 pounds heavier, 30 years older, and ten time more ugly, and you have your very own Stephanie Continol

Stephanie Continol Stephanie and I have been working together now for several years and have been pretty good friends from the start. I guess you could say that she's pretty religious, she has this blow up Jesus doll that she used to have next to her desk at work, but was told that she couldn't have it in the office because it might offend Samir down the hall who is Hindu, and it might also offend Slade Craven (I think he changed his name for some reason. He's Goth. That might explain why.) down the other direction of the hall who is a die hard Atheist who hates organized religion with a passion. I didn't have to ask what Stephanie was giving up for lent, instead she asked me. I had no idea what to tell her, so I quickly said I was going to give up reading books and asked her what she was going to give up for Lent. She started with, 'Well, you know that blowup Jesus doll that I have at home now' Well I'm going to sto'' I stopped her before she could finish what the was going to say. I didn't need this coming out of a 205 pound 42-year-old woman's mouth at 10 in the morning on a Monday. No thanks.