Don't forget to call, mon!

"What happened to then, then?" you ask. Then is now, there is no more then. Everything you read then is now now. We are now in "Now Now Land".

I really like the future. This is also why I like writing articles and stuff about the future (or 'then') so much. This must be like, my second one writing something about the future (or 'then') being now. Weird? Yes. Crazy? Yes. Funny? No. Scary? Yes.

Recently when I was doing what I usually do, which is, I'm sorry to say, actually nothing most of the time, I thought, "Boy, that's something for the future! I should write about that!". Now I know what you're thinking. You're probably thinking something along the lines of, "I thought you worked most of the time. What's with you? Can't you keep a job you fat slob?!". The answer to this is that despite how much I rant and rave about me disliking dealing with people (AKA: 'the public'), I don't do it that much. Sorry to let some of the 2 loyal readers down.

The Future is Now!

At the time of me thinking all of these things, I really wasn't concerned about alien beings or giant pin wheels that spin through means of sound waves, instead I was thinking more on the lines of "the internet", "racial profiling", "suing people because people are stupid, and generally things that are like them. All are current, and all are future problems that we are going to have to face. Hence they are now "Future Problems that We Have to Deal With Now".

The internet is the future. The Future is the internet.

The Internet
Now who would have ever thought that the internet would be as good as it is today? I'm sure as soon as the first few porn sites started popping up here and there people started thinking, "Man, this is going to be big, REAL BIG!". (Heh, don't think about that one too much.) No one in their right minds thought that you would actually be able to meet people after meeting online in some mall parking lot where the two can have sex in a van where one get strangled to death when the going gets rough. Wait. What am I doing? That was the past. We're looking for stuff that's for the future, not the past. Duh! Pop up ads. Just as that same group of people started getting set into looking at ad free porn, they started using more and more bandwidth. The only way for users to pay for this massive usage of bandwidth would be to run popup ads. Annoying as they may be, they are now "common" on the internet. Within the next 8 months to 2 years popup ads are going to start popping up while you're typing something in Microsoft Word, or even when you first startup your computer. After all, you didn't actually pay for that copy of Windows, so how else is Microsoft going to get paid? Popup are the answer for the future. They're fast, fun, and can make people rich within seconds after running ads that say, "Is there PORN on your computer?! If not, we just put some there now!".

"Future are you ok? You ok? Are you ok Future?"

Racial Profiling
This is THE cool thing to get yourself into if you want to be hip in the future. Ok, wait. I lied. This is the SECOND most hip thing to do in the future - It's right behind "Suing People for Fun". Quite frankly, I'm not talking about "Suing People for Fun" right now, so no more of that. Back to racial profiling. In order to become popular in a group of people, you have to be able to point out how many times your profiled against. This especially goes for you black people that are now white, but are really black, and also in reality cannot decide on which race they want to be in, so they remain in the "undecided" race. For instance, say that you're driving your car and all the sudden the light turns red, without that yellow light. Don't think that there's something wrong with the light, just get out of your car, look at the light and start yelling "RACIAL PROFILING!" and "WHAT THE FUCK!" at it. This will trigger the other people with money to feel sorry for you and start to empty their pockets to you. You not only get attention from the big scene that you make in the middle of an intersection, but you become rich, and we all know what rich people do! They make themselves white and take off their nose!

This reads, "I'm suing because I'm fat!"

Suing People for Fun
Ok, now this is going to be the hip thing to do in the future. Remember the good old days when you were for some odd reason fat, you looked at yourself and blamed it yourself because you were fat? Well face it, that's so obsolete nowadays that you can't do that anymore. Being fat is not going to be a way of life, I see it as becoming a business for people. You get fat eating fatty food, you sue for a large amount of money, buy more food with that large amount of money and you just keep on going through that cycle until you fall over and die because you're simply too fat and your heart can no longer support your tremendous girth. Or don't forget about suing gaming companies because they make people shoot others. How could I forget about that? Silly me. In the future whenever there's a new game that comes out people will buy it (or even rent it), go out and buy a gun and start shooting people and random things they can find and complain to the game manufacture because there was no label on it that said, "WARNING: This game is not real! There aren't any real people inside your TV that die and then come back to life! Shooting people may cause them to die! Do not point guns at people! This goes for knives, too! Body armor will not protect you from a fall of 50 feet!"

What ever you do, just don't forget to call "teh Cleo". Don't try to change the future because you can't! You will call teh Cleo in the future.

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